Archive for February, 2009

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Really simple twitter guide

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

Basic starting guide to using twitter…

I have been using twitter more actively recently, so as a newbie myself I thought some newcomers might find this helpful.

This article is not going to convince you why you should be using twitter. I am going to assume you can decide that for yourself, but instead aims to be a simple guide to using twitter and hopefully getting the most out of it.

Tweet – This is whatever you post in the ‘What are you doing box’. Some people use them to describe what they are doing, other provide links and resources, while others rant. Whatever you use it for remember that your followers are reading it, so try to be entertaining of informative.

DM – direct message. Click on the Direct Message link and then select a user to send it to. At one point you were able to send messages to people who weren’t following you, but this feature is now disabled.

@username allows you to reply to a users tweets (you can click the reply link and the @username will appear in the text area). This is the most direct way to contact someone, and is generally preferable unless it is something personal (or really boring). Anyone can read these on your page.

RT – ReTweeting. If you read an interesting tweet and want to share it you can add RT @username in front of the post, so they get the credit.

Following - following someone basically means that their posts will show on your twitter feed, along with any other people you are following. To follow someone click the follow link under their profile pic.

Followers - people who have decided to follow you. If you want to keep your followers it’s a good idea to follow them back (unless they look really boring), as they will probably have similar interests and be friendly, however watch out for spammers adding you to promote some weird money making scheme.

Finding people – There is a basic search tool on twitter, however for the moment you may have more luck finding people using one of the many twitter tools available online.

It’s a good idea to add people you already know, as this will provide you with a network that actually appeals to and interests you.

If you have a blog make sure you promote twitter there, also be sure to twitter any interesting blog content you add.

So now what?

Now you know how it works you may want to investigate some of the many twitter tools around. I may soon be adding a list of decent ones I have found. There are all sorts of apps for accessing twitter wherever you are, and there are great sites for finding good tweets, so just ask jeeves (well google) and you will find anything you can think of.

Also check the help pages, there is a lot of good information there.

If you think I need to add any essential information to this article let me know.

Happy Tweeting.

twitter.com/th3maw

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Posted in General Musings, Internet | 1 Comment »

Pattern Recognition

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

Just stumbled upon an awesome link to Pattern Head’s 100+ Free Seamless Vector Patterns Ideal for Web Design and Print Work

Perfect backgrounds for any design projects. You could make a new twitter, facebook, forum or wordpress design in these in minutes.

I’m almost disappointed that I just finished the new blog design, but I am sure I will find a use for some of these soon.

Posted in Design & Dev, Internet | No Comments »

Design of the times..

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

So, all 2 of my regular readers will no doubt have spotted that the site has had a bit of a revamp.

I basically combined a decent wordpress theme from Smashing Magazine with the graphics I had previously used for a forum banner, and then my twitter page, so nobody can say I don’t do my bit and recycle.

As part of my design I have also used the awesome zombie photoshop, created by my koala worrying friend debonbon.

Thanks to my design jedi master renduh, for his input.

Posted in Design & Dev, General Musings, Internet | 1 Comment »

Review – Michael Marchall Smith – The Servants

Saturday, February 21st, 2009

I have been a fan of Michael Marshall Smith for longer than I would care to mention, since I randomly found a copy of Only Forward in my local newsagents and bought it because it had a cool bumpy cover which was pleasurable to run my fingers over.

Reading it proved that a bumpy cover was the least awesome thing about the book and since then I have read everything he has produced as both Michael Marshall Smith and Michael Marshall.

According to wiki “The novel The Straw Men was the first to be written under the shortened name “Michael Marshall”. This change of name was originally due to the publishing of another book of the same name in 2001 by Martin J. Smith. However, Michael then decided to use the split to offer the possibility of publishing different genres of books under the two names – “modern day” novels as Michael Marshall, and horror/science fiction as Michael Marshall Smith”.

Both styles are great. Although I so have a personal pref for the more sci fi/fantasy MMS style the more modern thriller Michael Marshall books have also been enjoyed many times. As much as I like the fanatsy weirdness of his MMS books, they are all written by an awesomely engaging writer, so I woudl recommend thm all.

I guess it’s similar to Iain (M) Banks, although in his case I don’t enjoy his sci-fi novels anywhere near as much as what wiki calls his “mainsteam” novels (I* am not sure I agree with that description for books like Wasp Factory and The Bridge). Kind of weird, considering I am a fan of sci-fi normally, I just don’t like long winded sci-fi with too many similar sounding names and long winded plots.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes The Servants. After a few years of enjoying his Michael Marshall books I was thrilled to see that a whole new M M Smith book was out.

The Servants is great, no futuristic sci-fi fantasy, more of a modern ghost story. If anything it reminded me of some of his earilier short stories, either way it’s great stuff. The story revolves around a kid, Mark, who has moved to Brighton with his mother and new step father. His mother is suffering with some unknown illness, his relationship with his step father is strained and he is generally unhappy and confused about his situation.

As things get worse Mark stumbles onto a mysterious secret, and as the story unfolds he is is dragged towards a strange series of events involving people who may not even exists.

I don’t want to give too much away, so I will refrain from sharing more. I can however say that I found this book seriously engaging and totally loved the feel of it. Would make a great film. Perhaps the sucess of Neil Gaimans works on the big screen will help this kind of project get the money and attention it deserves. Would certainly make up for the concept of movie version of Spares being ruined by the damn Island.

Ok, go read this book, then go read eveything else he has made.

www.michaelmarshallsmith.com/

This gets a rare maw rating of 10 out of 10!

Posted in General Musings, Words | No Comments »

In defense of size zero

Saturday, February 21st, 2009

I suspect some people will be surprised that anyone other than an anorexic fashion obsessed teenager would be pro size zero, but I am, and of course it’s mostly because I am a size zero (or size 4/6 UK) myself. Now before I get yelled at and pelted with chocolate bars let me explain, I don’t have an eating disorder, am not an extreme dieter, nor do I claim to be supermodel attractive. I am a normal enough yet short (5’1) and small built woman in her 30′s, who just happens to be a smaller size than average, just like other women might be bigger or taller.

Now please don’t think that by saying I am thin I am in any way bragging. If anything I would rather be naturally bigger, as I have to really struggle to stay at a healthy weight when I am unwell. However, if you dare to admit that you struggle to gain weight in public people don’t think you are being honest about a flaw, they think you are being a smug skinny bitch, as for some reason people find it impossible to grasp the concept that being thin isn’t some magical cloak of attractiveness, and being underweight might not actually be what you want.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind being thin any more than I mind being short as it is just how I am.  At my age I have learned to like myself as much I ever will and no longer worry about not being curvy or womanly enough as I did in my teens. What I do mind however, is that even at my most normal and healthy weight people have felt able or obligated to pass comment about my weight calling me skinny and anorexic or saying you need a good steak luv.. and so on and so forth. If you object?  You are back in skinny bitch territory.

Of course I am glad I don’t have to struggle to keep weight off and realise I am lucky. If feel nothing but for sympathy for those that are unhappy with their size, although I don’t think anyone should feel they have to conform to some bullshit standard. While I am happy to be the size I am, I don’t feel it makes me any more or less attractive than a larger lady. I don’t really believe there is a perfect weight or body type, and fortunately there seems to be as much variety in taste as there is in size.

Okay enough rambling, back to the the point. So why, you may ask, when according to the media our stores are being crammed full of these unwearable size zero cloths, dare I complain? Well that’s the thing. They aren’t. For the most part I find it very hard to find any clothing in adult sizes that fits me. I have to buy most of my clothing in the children’s section (11 to 12 mostly). In the few shops like Top Shop that do have a petite section I have a choice of about 5 different outfits I might actually like, all of which are priced higher than the equivalent in the “normal” section. So, I either have to spend a lot of extra money for a limited choice of grown-up clothes that fit me, or somehow work lots of glittery t-shirts made for kids into my wardrobe.

Of course I know that the frustration of finding clothes that fit applies to women of all shapes and sizes, however I can guarantee that your average high street shop will have a range of clothing in size 16, but nothing in size six, eight or even ten. Of course it may be that there isn’t a demand for it (although I know plenty of other women who are small, after all petite ranges must exist for a reason), but what I don’t understand is why other people have to actively object to clothing being available in this size, in case it encourages anorexic teens or turns our youth into some sort of supermodel cult.

A while ago I read comments regarding high street stores stocking size zero in the Metro from the author of the Harry Potter books J.K Rowling, who described size zero types as “empty headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones”. Granted she was talking about the supermodels, but what message does that send to people like me who are naturally skinny? That if we don’t fatten up we will be looked down on forever by the rest of womankind? That my genetics are somehow wrong? I am not saying zero is an ideal size for a tall model, but objecting to size zero in high street stores isn’t punishing them, it’s just making it impossible for some of us to buy clothing that fits.

During a typically unsuccessful shopping trip, I once heard two middle aged women talking about the size zero phenomenon outside my dressing room. As I tried on ill-fitting dresses and tried to stop oversized jeans falling down I had to listen to them discuss how disgusting it was that shops were allowed to stock size zero clothing and how nobody “normal” could possibly fit into them. I wanted to burst out of the changing room and challenge them. Why do you care if I can buy adult clothing? What about me is so abnormal? I don’t stand outside plus size stores tutting, so why does someone else being thin bother you so much? Of course I didn’t. Instead I went and bought a pair of rather expensive boots, as my feet are actually normal sized.

I totally understand the desire people have to look out for young people and even the disgust people have at the shallow weight obsessed fashion world, but I feel that outside of that tiny almost unreal portion of society and some sadly disturbed teens (who may be disturbed no matter what sizes Top Shop stocks) the idea that women are being forced to fit the size zero mould is mostly just a media fabricated myth. I also wonder why, in their efforts to defend women’s rights to be of any shape of size it is seen as acceptable to refer to people as emaciated? Oh yeah, they didn’t mean any shape of size, just the ones that THEY think are normal.

Okay rant over, I do hope I haven’t alienated all my readers. I am really not a smug skinny bitch, I just want to shop in the adult section once in a while or just exist as a thin person without being accused of having eating disorders.

Cake anyone?

cake

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Posted in General Musings | 13 Comments »

How To Succeed at Twitter Failure

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

So you sign up for twitter to see what all the fuss was about and before you know it you are hooked. Something about seeing your follower count rise, or getting retweeted gives you an irresistible thrill. Be it 5 or 500 followers, you have actual people reading and responding to your tweets. Then you start thinking about how to be more entertaining and gain even more followers, maybe even get a few #followfriday recommendations….

STOP RIGHT THERE! Before you go any further, now is the point where you need to decide what kind of twitter user you plan to be. I don’t just mean will you use it for personal or purely business use (although that is part of it), I mean are you going to be a real human being, or an unbearable twitter spam-bore?

When you first signed up you may have noticed and even been followed by users who are not obvious geek idols or celebrities, yet have strangely unbalanced follower to followee ratio, with many more following them. At this point you may have had no idea why some marketing expert, SEO guru or life coach is so popular and may just assume they are really awesome people to follow, which is part of the dark art of appearing successful while failing on twitter.

If like me you would rather follow and be followed by actual human beings please ignore the advice below (although it might help you spot them sooner), however if you don’t really care who follows you as long as you get those numbers read on…(the views below are not mine, but they are my impression of an idiot spammer)

1. There is no such thing as a bad follower
Some people will tell you that inactive or uninterested followers are not worth having, but the most important thing is maintaining a high follower count. The magic number will allow you to trick people into thinking you are more popular than you are, and with such huge number you are bound to sell something to someone… right?

2. Follow everyone
The more people you follow the better, as they might politely follow back, so don’t worry about unimportant things like them having anything in common with you or being interested in what you are selling. Also don’t worry about them cluttering up your feed, we will deal with that later.

3. Use bots/scripts
Following all these boring people is a real drag, so why not use a bot or scripts to automate the follow/unfollow process. Of course intelligent users will soon realise you are not a real and engaging person, but we don’t want intelligence. We want idiots, and lots of them. You can also use this technique to look for certain keywords, so anyone mentioning them will automatically become your target.

3. Buy friends
If you want to get even worse followers for even less effort why not sign up to a service that will allow you to purchase followers in order to boost your popularity. If you consider having lots of inactives or other sales obsessed failures as followers popular.

4. Ditch em
So using various techniques you have managed to trick thousands of people into following you, now it’s time to bulk unfollow huge numbers of your followers, giving the illusion that you are a way more valuable user than you are. A lot of users don’t study their list that closely, so you will often keep your followers even after ditching them. The fact that lots of users sign up then become inactive is also a great help here.

5. Get the look
You might look like the elephant man in the real world, but don’t let this hold you back on twitter. If you think an attractive profile picture will help you sell your product go for it, especially if you have delved into the porn spam twitter market. You might be a balding middle-aged guy called Bob, but that doesn’t mean you can’t call yourself Tiffany and use a scantily clad young lady as your profile pic. Just don’t be too obvious and use the same picture and description on multiple account, ah screw it, go on then.

6. Repeat as needed
Why use one account when you can use 10 or 10000. Sounds like hard work I know, you can use software that will allow you to set up automated spam accounts, which can then auto follow and tweet the same sales messages over and over and over and over. Well it has to sink in eventually doesn’t it? Don’t these people want to gain thousands of followers a day or make $$$ online? Building up multiple accounts is also vital for when you get inevitably banned.

6. Timing
You can’t be on twitter 24 hours a day, so instead of posting real messages that are current and relevant, why not just sent up scripts to post messages at set times. This way you will appear active (at a glance) and can sell yourself online while sleeping in your mom’s basement, working at mcdonalds or whatever it is you do.

7. Cash in
It’s all very well building up thousands of followers, but what are you going to do with them? Make friends? Learn stuff? Screw that, you are going to SELL! There are many ways to make money on twitter such as sponsored ads, sponsored content, direct marketing and paid reviews. Of course there are some people on twitter who genuinely love the affiliate links they are offering or are selling something of value they have created, but that all takes time and commitment. We don’t want or need to know anything about the links or products we are promoting. Quantity over quality.

8. Be trendy
Ever looked at the trending topics and though wow I bet a lot of people are looking at those, if only I could sell to those people. Well what are you waiting for?  Of course people will tell you you shouldn’t abuse #hashtags or post anything unrelated under a trending topic, but what do they know? Okay so maybe people won’t appreciate you clogging up their search results, but surely someone will click your links, maybe if you post it one more time… and again.. and again. You might want to use your automated spam accounts for this, don’t want to be too obvious so we?

9. Be direct
This is a risky tactic, as for some reason it can lose you a few followers, but I am sure the rewards are worth it. Sure it’s not polite to send people unwanted direct messages, especially if they are spam, but it’s just so tempting. What the hell, let’s just go for it and send automated spam dm’s to everyone. Wooohoooo!

10. The impersonal touch
Committed tweeters will try to convince you that the most important part of twitter is interacting with and entertaining your followers. WRONG! As we covered way back in point 1. The point of twitter is getting as many followers as possible, and if we lose a few genuine people along the way so be it. Of course a few entertaining posts might help you keep and gain intelligent users, but remember clever people are not our target audience. If you are really commited to tricking people into following your sales tweets try posting or retweeting a few random tweets a day and sending a few @replies, as most active users will check your feed for signs of interaction before following.

So there you have it, my guide to being an annoying and pointless failure at twitter while maintaining a thin façade of success. If you are anything like me you will find the above techniques not only unpleasant, but also also silly and pointless, as there seems little chance of selling to anyone barring a few other idiot spammers desperate to make a few dollars on the internet.

@MariBiscuits

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Posted in General Musings, Internet | 3 Comments »

SnowArmy 2009 – Mayrhofen Austria

Monday, February 9th, 2009

So we returned on Saturday after a week of Snowboarding in Austia.

The town, hotel and mountain were all awesome. Didn’t have a clue what it would be like as it was booked by one of the guys (Other Adam – who I hadn’t met), so the awesomeness of it all was a pleasant surprise.

There were 9 of us on this trip, myself and 8 chaps, 3 of whom I had never met before. The group was great, all different skill levels, but all really keen and there was minimal lids/moaning.

My boarding has improved a bit I think. I enjoyed a few decent jumps, bruising myself with a few bad landings, and even managed some easy rails in the snowpark. I have decided to get a new snowboard this year ready for next season, something with a bit more flex might be good…. and I might even try to find one small enough for me.

No more snow trips for me till at least the end of the year now… we need too many sensible things like crap for the house and paying of debt… BORING!!!

Anyway, enough of my ramblings… if you wish you can view a pile of pics from the trip on our flickr group..

http://www.flickr.com/groups/austrial/

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PREPARE FOR BOARDOM

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Just got back from a trip to Mayrhofen in Austria where we spent the week snowboarding.

Awesome trip, I shall bore you all with pics, videos and ramblings later.. now I have to go catch up on some couch time.

Oh yeah.. I have also started using twitter a bit more actively….

https://twitter.com/th3maw

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Let’s talk about sex…

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

.. or rather gender.

Regular readers may have noticed that I often mention cool, successful, geeky or just plain awesome women here. This blog is my attempt to explain why this topic interests me and why I see promoting fellow females as a positive thing.

Tonight I asked people to suggest good female comedians for a blog post on twitter. Some of the responses I got surprised me, and made me think about why I pick the topics I do, and how they appear to others. I had been watching stand-up comedy on TV and a really funny female comedian came on, which led to a conversation between myself and my husband about how few female stand-ups were normally on that show.

The fact that we were seeing a funny woman was unusual, not because either of us think women are less funny than men (I myself am hysterically funny,… no really), just that there are generally less of them on our TV.  So they stand out. With this in mind I decided a post on female comedians might be a fun topic which would hopefully introduce me (and my readers) to some funny new women and might even play a tiny part in helping to raise their profile.

I got a lot of great responses, and now have a ton of female comics to check out, but I also got a few comments that I wasn’t expecting, asking why I was choosing to categorise women rather than looking at all comedians. Why not funniest male or African American? Now don’t get me wrong, I totally understand where they are coming from, as personally I have always felt women should have an equal footing, but had never considered that highlighting women in a positive way might be a bad thing.

I don’t take offence at the question, and am always interested in other points of view. However as I have always seen myself as someone who deplores sexism (or any other ism for that matter) I was shocked that anyone would view me commenting on groups of women (as I often do here) as a negative thing. As a woman myself I can’t stand being regarded differently to my male counterparts (and for the most part haven’t been), however just like some minorities seem destined to struggle more than the average white person I do believe that we still suffer from the results of historic sexism. So therefore I don’t think a bit of positive discrimination such as applauding successful women or admiring a minority who has risen above expectations is a bad thing.

If you compare average female earnings to male, or look at how few women are have had political power you can’t deny that there are differences, and like it or not these differences exist everywhere, even in comedy. I don’t think these are the result of a lot of intentional sexism, just a sign of how long it takes to shake the mistakes of previous generations. I also think that if a woman is determined enough she can do anything she wants, however as a woman myself I admire this and can’t help wanting to share my admiration.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never intended my blog to be a feminist study, nor do I claim to be an expert on the topic. I just find myself naturally writing about women and categorising them because it’s a subject that interest me and that I think I have a better understanding of than say African American males because I happen to be one. Having said that, I do also group alien races and bad American comedy films sometimes, not sure what that says about me…

Anyway, I am glad the the topic came up, and although it hasn’t changed my mind about focusing on one gender sometimes, it has made me think about how things appear to others and share my reasons for wanting to promote cool women. I guess I had never really put much thought into it before, I just share what interests me, but I do find it fascinating that people see things so differently.

Would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on the topic.

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